Deep calls to Deep

I want to fall in love with You. I need God. Desperation is the seed of my faith. I feel like I did so little today, so much mismanaged time, so many intentions and no follow through.

I find in me dwells no good thing, but Christ in me, then I can sing.

I want to fall in love with you. You who make all things beautiful in their time.

I want to fall in love with You.

I want to know You more. I want to hear Your voice. I want to move in rhythm with your tempo.

I want Your heartbeat to drum in me. To keep step with You.

I miss my kids. I miss my grand kids.

They are my joy and delight.

Sometimes the quietness brings a serene peace and Your presence is blowing over me like a gentle breeze.

Sometimes the low call of the train as it runs through town soothes me, and delights my heart.

But other times, in the silence, my heart cries like a train's howl, echoing through nothing and not returning.

And so I cry, I need You, I want You, I love Your presence. Don't leave me, Lord, as I cannot do this without you!

And desperation is the seed I sow.

Holy Week

Just came off a week's vacation, Holy Week. Did some( not all) catch up, and I spent part of the week, including the anniversary of my Mom's death, at a vacation house with my 2 daughters and 7, (count 'em, 7 !) grand kids, ages 8 and under.

The fact is that this last week was both exhilarating and exhausting. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I learned some very important things.

Like, you know how people say, "Don't pray for patience..." As in, patience is developed in the furnace of trials.

Well, I might add, "Don't pray the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi."

This is the prayer printed on her memorial card, and which she seemed to embody in so much of her dealings.

You know, "Make me a channel of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow Your Love...

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood, as to understand, to be loved, as to love...."

I found myself doing things my mom had done, with joy, Like emptying the dishwasher 1st thing in the morning.

Always a joy to be with my grand babies, this time we went through 3 being sick, all on different days. Because their Mama just had a baby, 7 weeks old, I stayed with her 2 older ones as they barfed through the night or day. ( Thank God it was a relatively short, if not violent, bug)

I felt for them, but more importantly, I felt like I could really help, and I got some precious one on one time that I don't think I'd have gotten otherwise. To change, clean, hold and love them. To pray for them in my arms. To really give them comfort. I love them so much!

Didn't make a Good Friday service. But somehow, this felt like that.

Love is the best motivator. The sense of fulfillment and closeness I now feel with my family is awesome.

Sometimes you just need to pray it and go there.